Tag Archives: Food

7 Easy Steps to Gain 20 Pounds

1. Skip breakfast.  Coffee counts as breakfast, right?  Just drink that coffee then.  In fact, have two cups.

2.  At 10am when you realize you’re so hungry you could chew your arm off, hit the vending machine.  Choose the Cherry Cheese Danish because it’s breakfasty.  Notice that the Danish has 450 calories.  Ignore that fact.  Eat the whole thing on the way back to your desk.  -OR-

3.  Skip that 10am vending machine trip and try to holdout until a reasonable lunchtime.  At noon, head for Subway to get something healthy.  On the way to Subway, realize that Subway is totally inconvenient because you have to *gasp* get out of your car to procure your chow.  Hit McDonalds instead.  “#2, no pickles, no mustard, and sweet tea to drink”.

4.  At 6pm head home and collapse onto the couch.  Think about dinner options.  Your day was so terrible you just want comfort food and you’re in luck: YOU’RE A FOODIE!  There are so many options to choose from.  You can cook them or you can go out for dinner.

5.  Crap!!  You “forgot” to go to the gym.  Oh well.  Tomorrow is a new day.  Pour a second glass of wine instead.

6.  9pm and you’re hungry.  Look past those healthy snacks in the fridge (they always seem to go bad and get thrown out…) and go straight for leftover fried chicken.

7.  If you wake up hungry in the middle of the night eat half of something ridiculous and feed your dog the other half.  If you sleep until morning wake up and REPEAT.

Voilà!  Your clothes no longer fit so you’ve bought a new wardrobe, you wouldn’t be caught dead in a bikini, you have no energy so the gym is completely out of the question, and you feel pretty shitty about yourself.

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Life on an Air Mattress: 3 Lessons I’ll Never Forget

My twenties began and ended on an air mattress.  Not particularly glamorous.

I entered my twenties having recently moved out of my dad’s house into a downtown Minneapolis apartment.  The place was absolutely fantastic and, admittedly, a little out of my price range (even with roommates).  I spent the first several months there sleeping on an air mattress while I saved up to buy an actual bed.  I’m sure many of you entered your twenties in a similar situation.

What I wasn’t expecting was for the ending of my twenties to also occur on an air mattress.  After all, during the course of the past 10 years I’ve earned my bachelor’s degree, worked my way up the corporate ladder to a management position, and even hustled to work additional part time jobs from time to time.  The second air mattress experience never should have happened.

In November of 2010 I was living in Dallas, TX.  I was missing my hometown of Minneapolis more and more, and my job kept getting worse and worse.  Late in the month, several signs started popping up that I should really go back “home” to Minneapolis.  It was one of those situations in which everything was lining up just right and it was hard to ignore what the universe was telling me.  After much discussion with my roommate (also a Minneapolitan at heart) we decided to take a leap of faith and move back home.

We started planning.  We applied for jobs in Minneapolis, got an apartment lined up, and hired a moving company.  My roommate got an offer and accepted a position.  Things seemed to be going very well.

On December 26th the movers arrived to pack us up and move our belongings north.  This is where things started to go wrong.  The team of movers showed up 7 hours late.  The estimate we received hadn’t included packing supplies, and the pricelist we received (after the movers had already started boxing up our things) was outrageous.  Our initial estimate was based on pounds and the movers switched it to cubic feet telling us it would be a better deal.  All in all, our new estimate after all of our belongings were loaded onto the truck was over $1,000 more than our initial estimate.  OUCH.

We planned to leave town the next day (I had a face-to-face interview coming up in Minneapolis and my roommate’s job would be starting in just a few days), and we understood that it could take up to 10 days for our belongings to arrive in Minneapolis.  We were each prepared with suitcases containing several days worth of clothes in case the movers took the full 10 days.  We also had air mattresses so we could avoid sleeping directly on the floor until our beds came.  I thought we were pretty well prepared.

Ultimately, our belongings were not delivered within the 10 day window.  10 days passed, then 15, then 20.  We researched the moving company (a step we should have taken before the move) and discovered multiple complaints against them, a BBB rating of F, and problems with their license to transport household goods across state lines.  We read accounts of consumers having their belongings held “hostage” by their movers, and moving trucks full of household goods being impounded.  We began to wonder if we would ever see our things again.

We had very few comforts during this time period.  Air mattresses, a TV and a DVD player.  The air mattress was my bed, my sofa, and my dining room table.  The floor was freezing cold and the air mattress seemed to suck up the cold and deposit directly into my back.  My roommate actually slept in her winter coat one night.

Finally on January 21st the moving company delivered our shipment.  Most of our furniture was broken, our Wii and our vacuum cleaner were missing, our boxes of dishes (marked “fragile”) arrived upside down and banged up and the movers were utterly unapologetic.  I didn’t care:  the drama was over and I knew where my possessions were.

While there were a lot of lessons to be learned about how to choose a reputable moving company, those were the least important things I took away from the experience.  My life on an air mattress taught me far more important lessons in life.  It was a truly humbling experience on many levels.

1.  Food is a valuable commodity.

If you know me or have ever read my blog, you know how much I love food.  I love going out to eat, trying out new recipes, chopping mountains of vegetables, and being able to cook whatever I’m craving.  This behavior changed drastically during my life on an air mattress.  As we began to realize that we might never see any of our possessions again, we tightened our belts and cut back on our spending (after all, I didn’t have a job yet, and there was a very real possibility that we’d have to buy all new clothes and furniture).  For me, that meant grocery shopping on an extremely restricted budget, something I hadn’t done in a while.

I became acutely aware of the cost per serving of my favorite foods.  I read up on how to stretch food and make sure nothing went to waste.  I learned how to cook all kinds of meals with just a Dutch oven (a Christmas gift which had been left in my car rather than packed up by the movers), plastic utensils and aluminum foil.  No microwave, fancy knives, frying pans, baking sheets, cutting boards, flatware or plates.  I realized how difficult it would be to feed an entire family on a restricted budget.  It was really hard!

2.  Be prepared.  (If you’re not sure whether you’re prepared, prepare more)

I’m a little bit ashamed to admit that I do not have a savings account.  I mean, I guess technically I do.  It has something like $10.00 in it: whatever the minimum deposit to open the account was.  Of course I had watched the bits on Today and The Early Show about keeping at least 3 months’ salary in savings in case of emergency, but I just figured I’d start that after I paid off all my debt (God, I hope Suze Orman never reads this).  Besides, since I turned 16 I’d NEVER been without a job.  Why should I start worrying about being unemployed now?

Unfortunately there are plenty of my peers who are in exactly the same financial position.  What comes in goes out.  We need to change that.

Preparation goes beyond just being financially ready for disaster.  Being mentally prepared is equally important.  When embarking on this move, I thought that the worst case scenario would be 10 days without my clothes, furniture and kitchen equipment.  I also thought I was a shoo-in for the job I wanted.  I was banking on starting a job and having everything I needed within days of arriving in Minneapolis.  Needless to say, life doesn’t always go as planned.

My lack of mental preparation sent me down a shame spiral.  I was furious with myself for failing to get the job and failing to have even considered that I might experience a moving disaster.  I didn’t even want to get out of “bed” (air mattress).  What was I going to do?  Get up, shower, change clothes and sit somewhere else on the floor to watch TV?

I felt awful about myself.  Being mentally and financially prepared could have stopped the self-pity before it even started.

3.  True friends show up for you when times are tough.

Our friends are absolutely incredible.  When word got out about our moving disaster, we received the most incredible showing of support I could have ever imagined.  Although we insisted that we were fine and didn’t need help from anyone, we had people offering us blankets, gift cards, pots and pans, microwaves and cell phones (oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that shortly after our arrival in Minneapolis my roommate managed to dunk her phone in a glass of Dr. Pepper.  The phone was fried).  Our family was calling us and offering moral support and our friends were constantly checking in with us.

The remarkable generosity of our friends and family forced me to examine myself.  Would I have been so generous?  I hope so.  Going forward I certainly will strive to give as much as possible when someone I know is in need.

While my experience living on an air mattress was certainly a short-term challenge, I realize that there are millions of people out there much, much worse off than me.  In fact, just having a roof over my head and something to eat (Ramen Noodles or otherwise) means that I am incredibly well-to-do.

While spending the final month of my twenties on an air mattress was certainly not part of my plan, I am confident that the lessons I’ve learned will stay with me in my thirties and beyond.

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The Perfect Sandwich

Recently I have had the pleasure of eating the perfect sandwich.  This particular sandwich was not the creation of a gourmet chef, not on any trendy restaurant menu, and certainly not anything I’d ever heard of before.  My lovely roommate introduced me to it:  the perfect chicken sandwich.  This sandwich is sweet and salty, crunchy and chewy, a little bit spicy, and downright heavenly.  And there is NOTHING fancy about it.  If you are making this sandwich you are NOT about to eat a gourmet feast.  But you ARE about to rock your taste buds.  Here is a step-by-step guide:

 You will need the following ingredients PRIOR TO step 1:

  • Rudy’s BBQ Sauce.  Not the Sissy Sauce.  The real stuff.

  • Hellmann’s Mayonnaise.  The original and the best.

  • Maldon Sea Salt Flakes.  Any substitutes will definitely create an inferior finished product.

If you do not currently have these things in your pantry, you should definitely purchase them.  Definitely.

Step 1:

On the way home from work, grab a loaf of Orowheat Oatnut Bread and a rotisserie chicken (I like to get mine from Tom Thumb – $4.99 with my discount card).

 

Step 2:

Get home, let the dogs out, get your sweatpants on, put your hair in a ponytail, pour a glass of chardonnay, take a sip, and wash your hands.  This step in and of itself will lead to good feelings.

 Step 3:

Carve your rotisserie chicken.  Slice each breast into 3 thick slices.  These will be used for your sandwiches (assuming you’re making two of them).  Do whatever you want with the dark meat.  I like to set mine aside for chicken soup (either later in the evening or the next day).

 Step 4:

Assemble your sandwiches.  Slather mayo on one side of the bread and pour your Rudy’s on the other side.  Lay 3 thick slices of chicken breast on the bread, sprinkle with the sea salt, put the sandwich together, and slice diagonally.

 Step 5:

Serve and enjoy.  This sandwich is not to be served on an actual plate.  It is best enjoyed on a napkin, eaten on the couch while watching Big Bang Theory, Medium, Weeds, or some other show not about food or dieting.

Nutritional Values:

1,000,000 Calories

1 Splash of Spicy BBQ

A dash of sweet bread

2 parts creamy mayonnaise

A pinch of crunchy, textured sea salt

 Culinary amazingness – without question.

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Foodie on the Loose!!

According to Urban Dictionary, a foodie is: “A person that spends a keen amount of attention and energy on knowing the ingredients of food, the proper preparation of food, and finds great enjoyment in top-notch ingredients and exemplary preparation. A foodie is not necessarily a food snob, only enjoying delicacies and/or food items difficult to obtain and/or expensive foods; though, that is a variety of foodie.”

 Evidently I am a foodie and have been for a very long time, although this fact was only brought to my attention a couple of years ago.

My history as a foodie began at the moment of conception: you see, my parents met each other working in a restaurant.  I was destined for total food obsession.  When I was about five years old, I developed an intricate ranking system for the deliciousness of grilled cheese sandwiches.  Whenever my family would go out to eat I’d make sure to order the grilled cheese sandwich and evaluate its color, crispness, flavor and other factors.  Evidently this is not a normal pastime for a child.

In the summers of my “tween” years I would bake.  It started with cookies and brownies out of the box, but one day I found The Joy of Cooking and all bets were off.  I was making every variety of muffins I could (with the ingredients that were in the kitchen).

When I turned 16 I got a part time job at the grocery store.  I quickly became obsessed with produce.  Not only was it a fun challenge to memorize as many produce codes as possible (I will NEVER forget that 4011 is a banana and 4023 are red grapes), I loved seeing the exotic fruits and vegetables to which I’d never been exposed, and noticing which ones were typically purchased together.

Then it got serious: at 18 I got a job working in a restaurant.  Sure I was just a host, but soon I began waiting tables, and eventually I became a supervisor.  I was in FOOD HEAVEN!  Not only was I completely surrounded by food, but I was also surrounded by other people who had the same sick and twisted love for food as I did.  So the food obsession I was experiencing seemed completely normal.  ALL of my close friends worked at that same restaurant with me, so when we got done with work what did we do?  We went out to eat of course!  We drank great wine, ate great meals, had great conversation, and always topped it off with dessert… and coffee (or port, a cordial, espresso, a chocolate martini, or some combination of the above).

At some point I decided that since I’d completed college I should get a “real job”.  Since then, I have NEVER found the satisfaction at work as I did working in the restaurant industry.  And furthermore, people think I am totally crazy because of how much I love food.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to explain why I’d rather have a nice dinner out rather than buy a new pair of designer jeans.  I have recurring dreams about working in a restaurant: I still remember the table numbers, the menu items and ingredients, the cocktail recipes, and exactly how much our restaurant did in sales on an above-average Saturday night.  I can’t wait to get home from work so I can chop, mince, pare, peel, sauté, braise, fry, or bake.  The prospect of planning a major meal absolutely THRILLS me.  Thinking about the menu for a huge dinner puts me totally over the edge.  I regularly use the word “foodgasm”.

So here I am: all grown up and still totally weird about food.  I love that my family and close friends share my intense love of cuisine.  There is safety in numbers.  Until we start to argue about who cooks what for Thanksgiving anyway…

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Shower Leftovers

Today I co-hosted a baby shower.  We split up the tasks according to our areas of expertise, which basically meant my roommate and I came up with food and drinks, and our friend Marci was in charge of decorations.

I have been to a plethora of showers as I’m sure you have too.  I have a pretty prescribed definition of things that happen at a shower and what the shower should look like.  In my opinion it was lovely.  Here are some pictures.

Now here is the question: what on earth do I do with all these leftovers??!!  Evidently I served vegetables for a hundred hungry soldiers and only a dozen lovely ladies ladies snacked on them.  So I blanched and froze a bunch of carrots and cauliflower, I set aside a tray for a veggie pizza tomorrow night, but here’s what I have left:
Mushrooms
Pea Pods
A MILLION cherry tomatoes

Can someone please clue me in on what to do with the leftovers?  I can’t handle the thought of zillions of expensive veggies rotting in my fridge….

Thanks for any ideas you can provide.

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